Networking—5 things we’ve learnt so far…
This year in Mind Shift Forum, we’re looking at “Networking” from a positive mental health perspective. Here are the 5 key things we’ve learnt in the first half of this year…
1.Real Networking Is Where a Friend Introduces a Friend
There is one lesson, one mindset shift, more than any other, I’d like to communicate through this:
Real networking happens when a friend introduces a friend.
Friends are who we turn to for advice.
Friends are who we trust to have our backs.
Friends are the ones we choose to help out.
So if we can build friendships, not metrics, we’ll have done this right.
This tweet sums it up well for me:
2. People Want To Do Business With People They Know
It’s not:
People want to do business with the most talented person on planet earth.
People hire those with the most accolades.
People work with those who have a million followers and are Internet famous.
People want to do business with people they know, they respect, and they like. Put another way… it is very hard to get anywhere if people do not know you, like you, or trust you.
And relationship implies trust.
So, a networked person tries their best to be a friend to all.
In practice, that means…
→ Always thinking: “How can I help this person?”
→ Remembering names
→ Listening well
Our time on this earth is short and precious.
If we want to build good networks, our attempts will not be in vain if we do so by trying to be thoughtful, helpful, and caring. The goal is not to create a closed groups of insiders, but to open up connections marked by trust.
Because—contrary to popular belief—the friends in your life want to see you succeed. And, if you’re like me, you want to help other people succeed too.
The mind shift challenge to internalise is:
“I am happy to help.”
You are NOT pushing your product, you are NOT selling yourself, and you are NOT building your influence… good networking is simply being happy to help.
This sounds like:
“Hey, I help with this kind of problem. Do you know someone? I’d be happy to help.”
That’s it.
3. Name Your Dream, Name The Obstacle
Ever wondered why, despite your best efforts, some dreams seem just out of reach?
I don’t think it’s about your:
bad attitude
poor motivation
lack of effort
I think it’s because we’re isolated.
The late Barbara Sher (a sharp-witted motivational speaker from New York) once said, “Isolation is the dream killer, not your rotten attitude.”
It’s easy to blame our laziness or lack of perseverance, but the true barrier is often isolation. We’re going it alone. And sadly, the more isolated you become, the harder it becomes to reach out.
But… if you had a gym buddy, you’d work out more often.
If you had a guitar teacher, you’d improve at guitar.
People need people. And it's amazing what happens when we have a wide array of soft connections who are “happy to help.”
However — there are three steps to succeed:
name your dream
name the obstacle
Tell people about both
…at dinner, on breaks, in idle conversation, at events.
So, the mind shift challenge here is:
Name your dream, name the obstacle.
Step into the spotlight. Put it out on social media. You could say…
“Hey world, I have a dream of writing a song. I’ve never recorded music on my computer before. Can anyone help me get started?”
Everyone will love that.
4. Share Why You Joined And Why You Stay
How do you feel about “being networked”?
Yeah, I don’t like it either. Feels impersonal. Feels transactional.
I’m continuing to make the basic case that good networking is personal. It’s human. Which is why—if we can do it well—it is so good for our mental health. It helps us form connections, expands our resources, and creates opportunities to help others.
Having a story to share is one of the fastest ways to understand another person and feel connected to them.
So, you’re at an event…
Imagine you’re having drinks at an industry event. Someone comes up to you and says, “So, tell me about yourself.”
Do you say what you do?
Do you say where you’re from?
Those are facts. Not a story.
Here’s what NOT to do:
Stop playing status games. Titles. Roles. Little badges of recognition.
When I hear someone dropping big names and titles, I feel this urge to validate and compare myself as a human being by my position in life!
Every networking advice article will tell you to say “I do X at Y and I’m (fake) excited to talk to people about Z.” It’s quite dull and transactional.
And it’s a game we don’t need to play.
Instead, just say these two things:
Tell them why you joined
Tell them why you stay
Here’s my answer…
I started training in mental health about 15 years ago when I was coming out of youth work in Winchester. A friend noticed how engaged the youth were whenever I shared and thought I’d make a really good trainer.
But these days I stay in it because I love seeing how people’s understanding and confidence grow in my courses. That’s why I find this kind of work so rewarding.
Now, we’re talking like people.
We can still talk about the work but we can put aside the status games and have a real conversation.
My mind shift challenge for you is:
Tell them why you joined. Tell them why you stay.
You can even follow my format…
I started [what you do] about [X years ago] when [your reason] (optionally, mention if someone else helped you).
But these days I stay in it because… [why you like your work / a big life lesson / why the work matters].
5. What’s The Story Here?
The most influential people I know ask:
“What’s the story behind this place?”
Whenever we go to a new cafe or a new, local businesses… they ask that question.
Inevitably, by the time we walk out, we’re friends with the owner!
At my local cafe, the Japanese owner gets us Japanese sweets every time she goes back to see her family. Recently, she said she’ll show my boys how to make sushi!
There’s a story there.
People love to talk about work they’re proud of.
So, anytime you notice something interesting, something with personality, something unique… stop. It could be a bakery with show-stopping cakes, a bed and breakfast with a wild style, a co-working space with a good buzz, or a Parisian cafe with unusually chic ceramic cups.
Pay attention to the moment you recognise, “Wow, that’s really cool.”
Then ask, “What’s the story?”
You’ll build a network full of people with creative minds and skilful passions.
The mind shift challenge is:
When you notice something interesting and unique about a business, be sure to ask: “What’s the story here?”
A little nod to:
Little Place in the Country — creative, bespoke countryside getaways
The Pump House — co-working space where I now work
The Black Hole — a quirky B&B in central Winchester
Subscribe to Mind Shift Forum in 2024 and you’ll get one email per month on this theme and access to my free Networking Strength Quiz, where you can measure your networking skills, strengths, and attitude across 7 categories.
How can I help?
Every single staff member needs basic mental health training (1 hour) → Mentality
1 in 10 staff need advanced mental health training (2 days) → MHFA Courses
All managers need mental health frameworks for today (half day) → The Managers Course
Every executive needs a culture of wellbeing in their business strategy → Register interest
Get your team engaged, energised, and talking (90 minutes) → Book Peter to speak
Anything else? Reach out or see the signposting page.
