5 Ways To Enjoy Yourself Around Other People
Not: 5 Ways To Make A Good Impression
If you pressure yourself to make a good impression, you show up performing to be liked. Instead, a better goal is to enjoy being yourself when you’re with others. So, here’s my short crash course to showing up and displaying who you are.
1. You matter
First and foremost, know you matter. You do. If you’re struggling or things are getting to you, you can talk to someone now. Life circumstances can break our spirits, but we survive and grow stronger when we ask for help.
Tell yourself you are a good investment and worth investing in. Believe it.
2. Look good, feel good
Practice good posture. Sit up straight when sitting or standing. Display open body language. Buy and wear clothes that make you feel comfortable and confident.
It’s not about impressing others, it’s about feeling good in your own skin.
3. Make yourself laugh
Having a sense of humour means you don’t take yourself too seriously. Sometimes we need to tell ourselves: it’s better to be happy than cool! Afterall, trying to make a good impression is exhausting. You don’t need to. You don’t have to.
Being funny is a learned skill — so, try it out! A light dash of sarcasm, an awkward story, a social observation, but, most important, make yourself laugh.
4. Embrace your weird
Absolutely no one is normal. No one. The normal one is the one wearing a mask.
We all have our unique passions and interests. So embrace yours. The faster you discover your common interests and passions with someone else, the easier it is to be yourself. If you have nothing in common, don’t force it! Give yourself permission to walk away if things don’t click.
5. Don’t trap yourself in dull conversations by asking generic questions
People often switch off when they’re asked generic questions. The flip side of the coin is, it’s not very interesting for you either. So, don’t trap yourself in a conversation you’re not interested in!
Ask more insightful questions to create those deeper connections where you’re both invested in the conversation.
| Generic: “How was your day?” |
| Better: “What was a highlight from today?” |
| Pinpoint a joyful or positive moment. You can follow-up with what was difficult or a ‘lowlight” too. |
| Generic: “What do you do?” |
| Better: “What are you working on right now?” |
| ‘What you do’ invites a job description. It can feel like you need to validate your place in the world. Instead, ask about their activity and goals and you’ll connect more easily. |
| Generic: “What do you do for fun?” |
| Better: “Have you ever tried [your passion / curiousity]?” |
| The ‘fun’ question isn’t bad. But, again, it can feel like asking someone to prove they’re an ‘interesting’ person. Instead, start with something to excites you (a type of exercise, a style of cuisine, a hobby) or a new experience. This invites curiousity. If they show an interest, invite them to try it out or send them a recommendation. You can follow up with, “What’s something you’re enjoying at the moment?” |
Bonus Material
The best question to create an emotional connection
There’s a great TEDx Talk out there that says the best question to create connection is: “When was the last time you cried in front of someone else?”
It’s a bold, almost awkward question. But the research showed it led to deep conversations and strong connections. Try it out. Source is below.
Two other two deep questions are:
What are you most grateful for in life?
If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, or your future, what would you want to know?
Quick fire round
No phone rule: When you’re in social situations, don’t look at your phone or watch. This is often a way we disconnect from someone else. Stay present.
Send follow-up messages on LinkedIn: When you meet someone new, follow up on LinkedIn with a personal message. When you look back on everyone you’ve met, you’ll have the context of how you met them and why you connected.
Non-work similar interests: Find non-work interests and hobbies with work colleagues to create deeper connections and help prevent a professional connection from feeling transactional.
The shortcut to confidence: The fastest way to gain confidence is to do exactly what you are afraid of. Not easy, but what would you out of your comfort zone?
Eliminate negative self-talk: Here’s your reminder today to to criticising yourself. Build yourself up, like you would a friend.
Sources:
The science behind dramatically better conversations | Charles Duhigg | TEDxManchester
How to be social when you can't leave your house | Nicholas Epley | Chicago Booth
The Power of Meaningful Networking | Andrew Griffiths | TEDxPCL
